"Married The Wrong One"

Once upon a time. . . .far far away in a princess castle, just kidding! But really. . .once upon a time I was MARRIED! Yep! MARRIED! Can you believe it? Well anyways I was, I am divorced now. It was a long road of learning and arguing. I am so glad it's over. July 14, 2007 I married Walter Trancynger (known as T.J.) right after I graduated high school. We dated for only 6 mths before that. Yes you saw it right, 6 mths only. We thought we were inlove. He was in the U.S. Navy. Little did I know what that meant for me. . .nothing but having to make them happy for the next few years of our life. T.J. and I were married for 3 years total, 2 of which we were together and "so called happy". I was cheated on multiple times within our marriage, it all started 3 months after we were officially married. This became a continual thing as I forgave him over and over again and wanted it to work. I WAS inlove but it was clear he was not. He was very emotionally and mentally abusive. He manipulated me and lowered my self esteem to nothing. I wanted so badly for things to work so I kept trying. The arguing was a constant everyday battle. We argued about stupid things of course.


February 2009, I found phone records. He was having an affair. She worked with him, deployed with him, and there is so much more but I won't bore you with the details. He told me he didn't want to be married, he wasn't happy. This was his excuse. He deployed once again shortly after this, after he had a short "midlife crisis". 6 months later he came home and things were GREAT! We were so happy and so "inlove"! I still find myself missing those days. This was when little Noah Ezekiel was conceived. . .


I was enrolled at Jacksonville State College to get my Nursing degree, I was actually doing it! Finally! I started in August 2009. September 15th rolled around and I had been feeling so sick, so tired, my breasts hurt. They never hurt. I knew. I had to be pregnant. I missed my period. I didn't say anything to T.J. because I didn't want him to worry. We had so much on our plate with him just coming home from deployment AND his family staying with us. I went to class that morning and afterwards I stopped by Wal-mart to get a test. I took it right then and there in the bathroom at Wal-mart. I called one of my best-friends, Charlie. O-M-G-SH!! I was prego! My first thought was that I was sooo unbelievably excited! Then I got scared. What is T.J. going to say? I knew he wouldn't want a baby right now. I just started school.


So I told him that day. He FREAKED!!!! His only and I mean only thought was abortion. We have to get an abortion. That was his only option. I disagreed. The next day he came home from work and told me we needed to separate. He took my name off the bank accounts, off his car insurance, everything. I was so in shock. I didn't cry though. I left. I took as much would fit into my little 1997 Mustang and drove off. So many thoughts went through my head. I had no idea what God had in store for me, I was so confused. Four lonely long hours later I was crying. . .at my moms.


I thought T.J. and I would end up back together, I really did. The day after I found out I was pregnant we separated. We were separated for over a year. The divorce took that long. I went through so much after this. I will talk more about it in my next post. January 3, 2011 we got divorced!!! Thank God!


What I want people to understand is that T.J. was everything I wanted in a man, beyond all the bullcrap. He did everything and was everything you would want your "prince charming" to be. He is lost within himself. I have forgiven him. I still care about him, I just don't love him. I wish him the best. He is the father of my son. Whether he wants to be or not. This is why it is so hard for me to settle for anyone else. I want my "prince charming" back. Not T.J. but someone similar. Someone that can be a husband to me, and a father figure to my son. I want to be loved. I hate being single. It's difficult. I have learned so much from T.J. and the things we went through. I won't ever stand to be cheated on again, by anyone. That is not love. I can say I have respect for myself and my son enough to say to someone "I'm sorry but I need more than you can offer me", and I have. I pride myself in that everyday. I will never settle again and for this reason I feel like it will be forever until I meet my special someone.


Ok sorry that was so long and boring. . .but it needed to be put out there before anything else! Thanks for reading.