Work! That
seems to be all I do these days. Just plain work. I still work at SAMC but I
did manage to get promoted, which is amazing and less drama too. My new
position is in the Diet Office part time. I feel like I work full time. I only
work 8 hours less than full time so you might as well call it full time. I
think I might have actually gone overtime last week. Things have been super
busy though. I guess that’s a good thing. I just feel like I miss out on so
much with Noah. It kind of gets to me. Ok it really gets to me. But it’s one of
those things that you just have to live with I guess. I always tried to imagine
being a working single mother but I could never really see myself actually
filling that spot. I guess I can do it. I have to admit that its really
stressful and just hard! I worry constantly about how I am going to pay the
bills and afford everything that Noah needs. I hate that I can’t go out and
take him to do things. I have faith that one day it will come I just really
hate the fact that he is soon going to be starting school and I am missing his
toddler stage. I am very thankful for my job though. Most people don’t have a
good job with benefits. But I am making something of myself. I want to show my
son that I am strong and independent and that you have to take care of your
family because they are the only family he will ever have. One day he will have
a family of his own, if that’s what he wants. And I want him to know that he
should be the bread winner. Lol. He needs to be able to take care of his
family. And I want him to know that I didn’t give up when the going gets tough.
I kept pushing.
Sometimes I
wish I had a big family – a husband, a few other kids, a dog or two, and a big
house. I know one day that will come. I deserve it and Noah deserves it. But
for now I am kind of at peace knowing I can do it by myself and even though
it’s a struggle I know God will get me through it. He never lets the righteous
fall. As long as I keep my head up and not worry he will do for us. He is our
main provider and he is the one that gave me the strength to keep pushing
forward to not give up. I also kind of like it that its just Noah and I. It’s
quiet and peaceful. And I love that. Sometimes it can get a little to peaceful
but that’s why I need friends. Good friends. I think I have one true friend.
And that’s it. I need more. And I need my family too. Family is supposed to
stick by your side and help one another and love one another. I have always
wanted a big close family. So that’s kind of a goal of mine. I really miss my
family and I do plan to move back home one day. I wish I could say it was soon
but time will tell and I really never know what the future holds. All I know is
I will. I don’t know details; like when or anything so everyone just please
stop asking because I feel like a liar every time I say by this time or that
time and I end up still in lame-ass Alabama.
So my brother,
Charles came to visit with his friend Beau for the 4th of July. It
was really nice seeing him. He was only here for about 4 days and what do ya
know I had to work every fricken day. I had taken a week of vacation a week
before he came, don’t ask! No, lol I didn’t know he was coming. Everything was
kind of last minute. But like I said it was nice seeing my little brother. I
just wished I got to see him more and spend more time with him. I feel like he
has really grown into a young man. We have grown apart over the years which I
hate more than anything but that’s to be expected from him being he is younger
than me and does not have kids. He likes to party. I like to party too but I
never get the chance.
On another
note, I moved into a new place. It is a 2 bd 2 bath mobile home in the country.
Far away from bad neighborhoods and we have our own yard for once. Lol. I am
loving it. I actually love the place out here but I don’t quite know if it was
a bad idea or a good idea moving way out here. Its farther to work and about 10
minutes from the city so I mean its not horrible and totally in the boondocks
but it sure does get dark out here. Noah seems to love the place too.
I got a new car
and a new phone! New care is an o5 Ford Five Hundred. Big car! Leather seats,
sunroof, and totally decked out. I am loving it for sure!!! Only con is that it
is horrible on gas. I got an iphone 3gs and I love it too. I only paid $1 for
it so I got an amazing deal and couldn’t pass it up.
Nothing else is
going on really. My bf/ex bf/roommate are not getting along but whats new?! I
don’t even know who he is and I am sick of bullshit. I am ready to say fuck it
all sometimes and get the hell out of this shithole called Alabama and leave
everyone and everything in it.
One day I will have had enough and that will be the
day I leave. I don’t know why I haven’t reached that point yet. I am just too
forgiving and I want someone to be around. Ok well thanks for reading.
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