Time for Me

I can't lie. . .being a mom  is really stressful at times being a single mom with a special needs child is definently stressful at times. So I need a break every now and then, a break from life so I can make believe I live in a fairy tale and act like there are no troubles in my life at all. I just need to get away from it all and breathe. Breathing is good right?

So what do I do when I get to breathe? and be free? I volunteer. I go out with my friends. I go to lunch by myself. I find something to do. . .nothing I HAVE to do, because thats not being free. I love being able to be free from life, I love being able to breathe.

I love my son and I love everything I have been blessed with but sometimes people just need a minute to step back and look at their life, away from the picture. I find this peaceful. At the same time it has this excitement where my heart starts pounding and I can't help but to have this happiness and this feeling. It's just amazing. It feels like I am a teenager all over again.

20 Months Yesterday

Wow! It's so hard to believe that my little angel/bundle of joy/rock/everything that motivates me is already 20 months old. Four more months and he will be 2 years old. Where does the time go? I gave birth to him 20 months ago but it seems like yesterday. He has come so far and I am so very proud of him. So here is a little update on how he is doing and what his days and weeks are like.

I will start with all therapies and briefly describe them. So Noah started Speech with Early Intervention at 3 months old. The only reason he started speech was because he had some swallowing issues, this was because of his low tone. Which is way better now. He gets speech from Early Intervention every other week and it's always been like that, it will never change. I don't care how good they say he talks or signs. He also gets private speech therapy every other week. It use to be alternating weeks so he had speech every week but somewhere with our vacations and thanksgiving it's been all mixed up and ends up being on the same week. So as of now, he gets Speech Therapy twice every two weeks. I am hoping to have it end up on alternating weeks so he has it once every week rather than how it is now.

Physical Therapy is a big part of our daily and weekly schedule. It is the one thing besides, speech that we really work on. Noah started physical therapy around 4 months old with Early Intervention and private too. I have to add his private therapist is the best ever. She has made both our lives so much easier and I don't know how I would have gotten this far without her. She is truly amazing. Thanks Jeanine! Anyways, Early Intervention PT comes every other week. It feels as if he really doesn't learn or get much therapy when she comes though, because it's turns out to be her talking to me almost the whole time. Which is ok but she is here to do PT not socialize with me about things unrelated to therapy or Noah. Jeanine, Noah's private PT, see's him every single week. Which is amazing! If she could see him more it would be even more amazing.

Occupational therapy is at a whole other level. He does so great with this. He has received OT since he was about 5 months old with private therapy only. Early Intervention OT see's Noah once a month, which sucks and serves no purpose at all. It just makes me mad. His private OT, see's him every other week.

So his therapy update all together: PT is going really well. He is crawling on all 4's perfectly, like a typical kid. This is very unusual for a kid with ds. He pulls up to the standing position on almost all surfaces. The couch is the hardest place because he can't really grip it. He walks with assistance (holding both hands) very well. He may just be a little wobbly but still it's very well! He cruises along the furniture 1-3 steps by himself and then sits down but he will not do this unless you motivate him to do so. Noah's fine motor skills (OT) are very very good! He can pull pegs out from a peg board, he copies you to demonstrate using a crayon and making horizontal lines on paper, his pincher grasp is amazing, he can finger feed himself but only when you make him, he can hold his sippy cup but again only when you make him do it. He needs a lot of motivation for a lot of things but that's what I am here for :) Also speech, is going very very well! Noah mimicks almost every sound I say which is soooo great! I can't describe how I feel about it. I am so excited for him to be talking. He can say moo for cow, roar for lion, dada, he has started making "g" sounds and "k" sounds. He says and points up. We are also teaching him sign language. He can sign and say more, and all done. He also signs drink and eat. He knows one body part.

So he gets tons of therapy as you can see. I work with him at home as well. Some people feel as if I make him do to much therapy but it is good for him and me too. It gives me a break from having to work with him so much and he needs all he can get. I don't care how well he is doing. He is going to continue this therapy routine, if not more. This is a majority of our weeks and days including doctor's visits and him getting sick this is my life and I love it. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I can't see myself doing anything else.

Daycare Update

I don't blog as much as I should. I need to blog more. I haven't stayed up to date with the things that have been going on. So now I have to update every point again. Here it goes. . .

I had been  am looking for a job. In the beginning of my job search I received a phone call from Early Head Start with an opening for Noah. This meant full time daycare. Monday-Friday from 8am to 2:30pm. I took the opening and enrolled Noah. I figured this would be perfect timing. I can help him transition him into full time daycare while I am still unemployed and it will be a smooth ride and easier on both of us. What a perfect time to do it! But oh was I wrong. Turns out Noah didn't transition as well as I thought he would. He cried everyday all day. So we changed it so he would only go 2 hours a day from 8am-10 or 10:30 am. 

I feel like things were just so overwhelming for him and with so much chaos within the class it really exhausted him. He is use to being home or with 0-1 other kids around. His classroom had a 2:8 ratio. This is not enough. Especially for a child with special needs. I sat in the classroom and observed multiple times, to see what exactly was going on. I really didn't learn much being that Noah wanted to stay by my side the whole time. Every time one of the teacher's picked him up or tried to do anything with him he would cry or pout. The other kids in his class were all around 2 or 3 years old, none of them had special needs. All of them were walking and talking. This put Noah at a disadvantage. He couldn't communicate and he can't get to things like he usually would because the other kids are walking around and he is afraid to move. He stayed in one spot away from all the kids.  Every single time I would go pick up Noah he was crying. Ms. M would ask me questions like Do I hold him a lot? Do I play with him all day or does he play by himself? and she would give me these crazy looks like she really didn't like me. From the looks she gave me and the questions she asked I felt a little offended. Ms. S, was Noah's actual caregiver she would try everything she knew to get him to stop crying but he just never stopped. Ms. M's theory was. . .he will learn that it's ok and to cry it out. This really made me mad. I don't agree to have any child "cry it out"! Unless they are really having a meltdown for no reason. But this isn't Noah. This isn't usual. Noah never cries. So something was wrong. Something is not quite right. I debated so many times to take him completely out of daycare. The director was trying everything she could to help and make things easier for us. Nothing helped.

I feel like Noah was crying because he was exhausted, scared, confused, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and lost. Crying was his only way of communicating and they just wanted to ignore him. So today, was the last straw. I am so sick of going to pick him up and he is crying, he cries himself to sleep. I feel if this was to last to long it might traumatize him and he will just shut down. I have to do what's right or Noah. I loved him being in daycare. I got so many things done, and it was so conveniant. It was also great for social interaction. When I went to pick up Noah today he was asleep but I could tell he had been crying because he was breathing deep. So I asked the teachers what happened and they acted like everything was fine. So I asked again, why was he crying. Ms. M said well he was out yesterday! Noah was absent yesterday, he was sick. He is still sick. Ms. M always seems to have a comment every time Noah misses a day. I explained to her that he is sick and she agreed. It just really made me mad that she has to put her two sense in every time I do or say something about MY son.

So no more daycare for Noah right now, back home with mommy.